6 months

It’s funny how time flies so slowly, and yet so fast during a lockdown. Gautam turned 6 months old on 14th May. It was a special day for us. He ate his first solid food, a banana! Rather a quarter of a teaspoon of it. He’s been eating well since then. He’s a good boy.

Because of the lockdown, there wasn’t much we could do to celebrate. But we did take Gautam’s hand and foot imprints for keepsake, and did a short family photoshoot on our landlord’s lovely terrace garden to mark his 6 month birthday.

The 6 month milestone marks a significant event in a mother’s journey, especially one who has been exclusively breastfeeding her baby since birth. And so it was for me. Till Gautam turned 6 months old, he was only breastfed. He did not even need a sip of water, I fulfilled his every need. Be it for nourishment or for comfort- I was the one stop solution. I could say without any hesitation that my baby was all me. Everything that he was came from me.

6 month marked the end of that feeling, and the FOMO I’m feeling is more than I expected it to be. While I look forward to feeding him his daily portion of salt-less bland dal and rice everyday, there is a dull sense of longing. I watch him everyday trying to be independent- trying to eat independently, to sit by himself and even to sleep without Masoom or me walking him! I watch his personality develop day by day. He gets angry when a toy is taken away from him. He didn’t get angry earlier. He also continues to flash his gummy smile generously at us!

With every development however, comes the realization that time is flying by and that one day he might not need me. I cannot say anymore that my son- his little body and all that comes with it- is wholly and entirely mine. He is slowly becoming capable of drawing his nourishment from external sources and is becoming adept at interacting with his environment more efficiently, He is slowly and steadily becoming his own person. And I, his mother, am wishing for time to halt for just a moment so that I can absorb all of this and cherish his little-self for a little bit longer.

So as I write this tonight, Masoom has put Gautam in his cot and switched off the lights, expecting him to soothe himself to sleep. And I know he will sleep by himself. He is cooing his beautiful coos which are indications of fast drifting off to sleep. But right now, as of this moment, I don’t want him to sleep on his own. I don’t want him becoming so independent. I want to hug him as close as I can and walk him to sleep every night, for as long as I can, because some day, not far from now, I know it will no longer be possible. So I will do exactly that. I will pick my little baby up and walk him to sleep. Till I can.