The First Birthday wish

Dear Gautam,

You turned 1 yesterday. Since you are now a toddler, I wanted to make this letter special for you, and so I have pondered and pondered over what I should write, but nothing is going to be special enough . No words can match the feeling I feel when I see you wake up every morning or every time your face lights up when you see me. You have filled the lives of everyone around you with joy. But words must be used here. So here goes.

About 30-35 people turned up for your birthday party, and I was nervous about how you’d react-maybe you wouldn’t be happy seeing so many people at once, maybe you’d sleep off or get cranky around you sleepy time. But you aced it and how! You played and mingled with all your guests who were 6 months to 60 years old, right from 11:30 am till 3:30 pm. You did not get cry, you did not whine, you did not sleep. After we wrapped everything up, you dozed right off to sleep for 3 hours. I do not know how you did that, but laddu, you are a textbook baby! You do everything the way it is supposed to be done. Thank you for being awesome!

You also said your first word yesterday. It was not ma or dada (though you have made these sounds before, you never referred to us), it was peek-a-boo! For the last few months you had been practicing pa-ka pa-ka and ba-ba-ba separately, but yesterday you put all of it together and started playing peek-a-boo with us. We then figured out what you were trying to babble the past few months. You are so so so cute Gautam!

Let me, however, tell you something. Before you came around, I always wondered how to make you the best version of “you” that I could. What style of parenting, learning, etc, would bring out the best in you. But the more I see you laugh and spread laughter around, I realize that being the “best” version of you is not important. You already are the best version of you. I need you to be the happiest and the healthiest version of you that you can be. So for your first birthday, I wish for you a long lifetime of health and happiness. I hope you are able to find meaning in the little joys that make life meaningful and wholesome. I hope you are able to discover, in due time, what you truly love doing, and have the opportunity to pursue it. I wish you are able to find calm within yourself when times are tough, and I hope you find friends and companions who respect you and who you respect. And on your first birthday, I wish something for myself as well. I wish to be able to hold on to my little boy for as long as I can, because no matter how big and wise you get, you, just the way you are right now, cannot be replaced in my heart. My heart will just have to expand to fit all future versions of you. I love you my little toddler.

Always.

Love,

Ma