Sinking

I have been sinking for the last few days. It is not about work. Well it is not only about work. For the last few days, I have not felt like working, making cheese, waking up in the morning, exercising, feeding Gautam, bathing Gautam. Actually, I have not felt like doing anything. I just want to sleep and read my book- a man called ove, which by the way is so surprising, because I have struggled to finish any book over the last two years. My attention span has become very short. The book right now is an escape mechanism. It transports me away from reality, from the truth that my life is not going anywhere. I do not have direction, despite trying so hard. Right now i’m happy to blame anyone, including myself, but blame mostly the circumstances. Last 4 months have presented way more flux than I could have bargained for. And while I am putting all of my energy in swimming through this rough patch, for the last few days, I have been sinking. I want to give up and just sleep off.

But here’s the catch-I cannot give up easily either. So here I am, trying to write something down just to calm myself and gather my thoughts, so that I can spend the next one hour planning tomorrow and the next week. Not too long or elaborate at all. Take small steps and cover the basics-exercise, gautam, some progress in work everyday. It’s time for another hard effort in the right direction.