You are a blessing, one that I was too afraid even to wish for. Somehow I could never imagine that the universe could grant me this- a daughter. In fact, I still can’t believe it sometimes-my daughter, my heart. But I’m going to be brutally honest with you. I don’t know how to raise you. I don’t know what to do with you, how to set you free in a way so that you can soar your wings and fly. You see, I was you. A second daughter. Every day I look at you, I think about what would i want differently for you, what I will change and what I will keep same. In fact, I don’t know if I will raise you and your brother in the same manner. But there’s a lot if time to ponder about that.
For now, let me gush about your chubby face, the beautiful round eyes, the heart warming smile that we all live for, everyday. You were the missing piece in our family, and now we are complete. You complete us. And i’ll tell you how. Before you arrived, Gautam dada used to call out for me every morning, hug me for at least 10 mins before he left the bed. It was his ritual. Now, he looks for you. The first 10 minutes of his day are exclusively reserved for you, to play with you and hug you, to kiss you, to dote on you. And you dote back on him and how. As parents, dadda and I feel complete. It’s the same when he returns from school. Dada looks for you, not me or dadda. And you wait for him. Once he mentioned that he was happy to let both dadda and me carry the surname Bhardwaj, as long as you and him remain Shah. He is in your corner and wants you in his corner. It’s melts my heart.
Even before you turned 1, you seem to have some anger issues, for the lack of a better word. When you point to something and you don’t get it, you stiffen your entire body, spine, arms, everything, and clench your fists. What is that about, Gauri?! I will talk to you about it when you grow up. But people predict that you are going to rule this house when you grow up. Well, my baby, rule all you want. We are here for you to help you rule, if that’s what you would want, going forward.
Cont..
Well, you first birthday post got delayed, and maybe it was a good thing. Because the day you turned 1, it seemed like you flipped a switch. You started walking a few steps, started babbling so much more and started jumping towards milestones. You call out to us- mamma, dadda, dada. Your first word- Dahi. You absolutely love yogurt, which is why I avoid giving it to you. You eat too much of it. As expected, you don’t like egg, but i’ll fix that. Egg is compulsory.
You have a very uncanny love for bottles- all types! Whenever you see a bottle, you want to possess it. When you get a hold of it, you hug it and love it. Then you proceed to drink for it. You know how to drink from straws by the way, which I think is pretty commendable.
Sunshine, for your first birthday, I have one piece of advice. It is about comparison. You are our second-born. You will always be pegged with your brother. Sometimes dadda and I will make that mistake also, even if in jest. We will try our best not to. You are your own person, and your race starts from your starting line, no one else’s. We can’t control what the world says, but we can manage our perception of it. And my very first advice to you is- ignore any comparison- with anyone. It is truly meaningless and will only deflect you from being the best version of yourself. Never think about being like anyone. Always look inwards. And I am right here to help you. My sweetheart.
Also, we have been for two international trips since you were born. Thailand and London/Thailand. I carried you in my baby carrier all throughout the day, and you were happy to be in it, sticking to me, sleeping on my chest, eating there. I was so happy and proud that I could do that for both of us. It was a pleasure, Gauri, to be able to hold you.
Loads of love,
Mamma
Gazing through my Window... 